Marry a Plumber
A country music inspired song
The door sticks. The window’s jammed and the tub won’t drain.
Every time I flush I have to open the tank to pull the chain
Blake makes a mean Moscow mule but can’t fix jack, can he?
Lord save me from dashing dilettantes, I need a man that’s handy.
The men I see have good educations but more dollars than sense
They throw away their change and laugh at my offense
Blaine bought me gifts galore but racked up debts swiftly
God save me from black card holders, I need a man that’s thrifty.
Marry a plumber my Grandma always told me.
If she saw the men I’ve dated she’d scold me.
I want a man with callused hands
A warm heart, a piece of land,
Who comes back from a hard day’s work glad to hold me
I don’t want a Tinder fella, I’m tired of Bumble babies
I want a man of his word, I’m tired of flaccid maybes
Bryan whispered sweet flatteries but was up to more than I knew
Jesus save me from pompous playboys I need a man that’s true
I don’t want his money, he doesn’t need big muscles or all his hair
He can burp and fart and leave the toilet seat up for all I care
My dream man doesn’t have to ride a white Mustang, trust me
Lord this wayward woman swears to be good to the man that loves me
Marry a plumber my Grandma always told me.
If she saw the men I’ve dated she’d scold me.
I want a man with callused hands
A warm heart, a piece of land,
Who comes back from a hard day’s work glad to hold me
My dream man doesn’t have to ride a white Mustang, trust me
Lord this wayward woman swears to be good to the man that loves me
