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How to Apply a Bumper Sticker to Your Car

See Also: How to Avoid Injurious and Justified Road Rage

Step 1: Read your bumper sticker. If the bumper sticker denotes a political or religious belief, a cultural or ethnic heritage, or is a command to the person driving behind you, please skip Step 2 and carefully follow the instructions in Step 3.

Step 2: Apply.

Step 3: Reflect on your driving ability:

  • Are people afraid to get into your car?
  • Do people take your keys from you when you haven’t had a drink?
  • Are any of the following regular occurrences in your car: screaming? crying? stomping on the floor as if it is a brake pedal? bracing for impact?

If the answer to all of these questions is no, you can return to Step 2.

If you answered yes to any of the above questions and do generally drive like a sugar-high, hormonal 15.5 year old who has a half-hour window before their significant other’s parents get home and is multitasking by commencing foreplay via texting, please skip Step 2 and reference further instructions: How to Permanently Disable Your Vehicle.

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Freelance marketer by day, inveterate doodler in all the spaces in between. Current project: A Dog Named Karma. To say hello: mynamenospaces at gee mail Thanks!

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